6 Tips to Surviving a Sociopath
Got yourself a psychotic mom situation? Me too…like, oh my gosh!
But thank goodness because if not I wouldn’t have been able to amass this short How To Survival Guide, based on true events. For those whose childhoods were not “cruelty free” it’s time to laugh at the lunacy.
This is for my fellow survivors of that tough love that only a sociopath can bestow.
1. Be grateful: I remember the good times like when, instead of me, she set my baby book on fire…then I’m overcome with gratitude…and PTSD.
2. Lighten up: I found delight in playing pranks. So while the meth deal was going down in the family room I was in my bedroom blaring my stereo mixtapes: “Ice, ice baby….word to your mother.”
3. Make mischief: Once when she beat me with a newspaper and made me sleep on the floor with the dogs. I peed on the carpet & chewed up her favorite shoes. Also, every time a Jehovah’s Witness tried to get in the house I’d quickly slam and deadbolt the door. Mom got pretty tired of being locked out.
4. Be childish: When she would ground me from the activities I liked to do I would sneak behind her back and learn to read anyway. I used it to organize all my fake social security numbers and aliases.
5. Drink…a lot: In my family it helped that she gave me a bottle of whiskey for my birthday…it was a logical gift for a ten year old because it complimented my tattoo.
6. Take a Vacation: Sometimes you need to get away from it all. I ran away from home a lot…or as the grown-ups called it, “foster care.”
Final thought: Even if you’re proud of having your family written up in the newspapers you probably shouldn’t cut the article out and post it on the fridge-she already knows the details of her every arrest.
I promise much more later, darlings…KISSES!
This entry was posted in Comedy
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