Advice on Religion…from a Comic

It’s not blasphemy; it’s Comedy!
Whether you’re Christian, Jewish, Muslim or Stupid you should know that having beers with Jesus figures stuff out. And the one thing all spiritual paths agree on is the awesomeness of The Thong Song.

I’m a Knower and Doer of Good. And since I’ve been kicked out of a lot of religions more times than I’ve been arrested you should listen to me on this.

On Christian Chicks-Catholic School Girls are hot!

Reading Material-there were originally 20 commandments but the Bible is long enough.

On Jewish Dudes-Circumcision, THAT’s why they’re chosen!

Afraid to go to hell? Don’t be. There is no hell…unless you count Detroit.

Muslims-Heaven is sluttier than you think, so sorry…there are no more virgins.

What up with Jesus H Christ?…Well, the H stands for HOLLA!!

~Jesus doesn’t care if it’s last call because he can turned water into wine.

~You call them disciples, he calls them his entourage.

~He was supposed to roam the desert for 55 days but Sodom & Gemorrah wanted to get the party started.

~He always has wood:

Jesus He is the most Most Interesting Carpenter in the World.

He doesn’t always drink beer but when he does he prefers Dos Equis. Stay thirsty, my children.

When an angel commits a “Party foul” Remember nobody’s perfect, except for the The Lord, The Light and The Way.

If you sneeze in front of Jesus he says, “Dad bless you.”

Want to watch me moving and saying all of this outloud then click here: http://bit.ly/religiousadvice

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14 Responses to Advice on Religion…from a Comic

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