Birth Control Top TEN!

How not to get knocked up.

Not only does sex keep us from being bored and pass lunch break time at work, it also has the horrific potential of making tiny human babies. As a woman, if we want to prevent future baby daddy drama we should be responsible for preventing pregnancy with birth control.
Here is a list of some top tens with a brief description of pros & cons.

*RING-A round bit of plastic, resembling a bracelet, is inserted into the vag & just chills out there while releasing hormones for three weeks.
PROS-It’s inside jewelry for your v-jay…that makes my privates happy.
CONS-Takes some getting used to and might slip out during sex, or have to be removed…hey, good excuse to stick a finger up there, right?

PILLS-Taking a pill every night.
PROS-Who doesn’t love a good prescription?…dead celebs excluded.
CONS-My mother died of breast cancer so it’s not worth it to have hormones coursing through my veins & also makes me a raging, lunatic bitch…like I need any help. Pshhhht.

DEPO SHOT-Umm, it’s a shot.
PROS-It’s a shot, you can get it and forget it.
CONS-It’s a shot, it hurts, but only for a second so stop being a wuss. Get over it, wuss.
Also, You might get fat. But it’s better than pregnancy fat…or is it, wuss?

IUD-A T-shaped piece of metal is inserted into your uterus and can be there for up to 10 years.
PROS-semi-permanent, easily reversible…you don’t have to think about it every day.
CONS-Can cause pelvic inflammatory disease. Ewwwww, swollen uterus…gross.
Personally I couldn’t get one because I have a tiny cervix. Sexy, huh?!

*CONDOMS- A piece of plastic that goes covers the penis.
PROS-Using one will get you laid by me. You can dazzle a dude with inventive ways to put it on.
CONS-Some people get allergies to latex. But personally, I’m allergic to STDs. If a guy bitches about it dulling the sensation let him know HIV is a shitty sensation too.

ABSTINANCE/MASTURBATION-You don’t f**k anybody unless you’re f**king yourself.
PROS-It’s fun to tease boys. You won’t get pregnant and can stay boring.
CONS-This doesn’t work if you’re slutty

*THE PATCH-A sticker that you place on an inconspicuous part of your body and remove it during your cycle week.
PROS-You’ll look like you’re quitting smoking with your patch and you only have to think about it once a month.
CONS-They’re ugly band-aid ugly. Since I’ve never used one I can only get they get that nasty ring of crud around them like an old band-aid too…??? Dunno.

STERILIZATION-A surgical procedure where they rearrange some female organs or remove them altogether.
PROS-you’re done breeding…for good.
CONS-you totally can’t fake a pregnancy to make the shot-gun wedding of your dreams happen.

PULLING OUT-Before he gets off in you get gets out from in you.
PROS-if you like things like the thrill of missed periods then this could be fun for you.
CONS-I made a baby this way.

If all else fails there is the vasectomy, the abortion, or adoption. All tend to be very bloody. So an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of unwanted pregnancy.

*VASECTOMY-my favorite.

In case I left something out here is a serious, educational post.

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