10 WTF Science Questions Answered

Answers to the “10 Most Important Questions in Science” as dictated by NPR.

1. What is the universe made of?
Stuff. Mostly physical-stuff like elements and protons. And then there is God-stuff which is energy and things like money and French kissing your celebrity crush.

2. How did life come about?
The big bang caused a chemical reaction that caused Jesus to pass God a note: “Hey, dad, wouldn’t it be fun to make stuff?…like people and problems and things?”
And then God read the Jesus note and check-marked the Yes box.

3. Are we alone in the universe?
Fuck no.
We are the ultimate reality television, shit-show for other life forms. At the end of a long day of being peaceful, intelligent, and all-loving other life forms need to unwind with some Earthly smut comedy TV. Humans provide much needed comic relief on a universal scale. But they can’t interfere without transforming our paradigms and shifting our perception of things to change our ignorance so they just chuckle along with the show…knowing that one day we’ll come to our senses.

4. What makes us human?
Chromosomes, sex and crying. Why science doesn’t know this is incredibly creepy to me.

5. What is consciousness?
Some of the greatest theorists and philosophers have given us good reasons like “because.”
I almost said it’s when your head is like “don’t do that stupid thing anymore. He has a girlfriend,” but really that’s “Conscience-ness.” Oops.

6. Why do we dream?
It’s fun when you’re awake to daydream and then your subconscious says, “HEY, I know…let’s continue the party at my place!”

7. Why does matter exist?
Boredom

8. Are there other universes?
Yep. See #3.

9. Where will we put all the carbon?
In prison they put it up their butt holes. If it turns out there is TOO much carbon that might be a problem for people with small butt holes.
Women should stand ready to help with other orifices if needed. I know a girl who puts all the carbon she ever encounters up there so maybe we can use her as an example.

10. How can we get more energy from the sun?
I think we need to quit limiting our sciencey ideas to thoughts of limitation and use big solar panels. Really, science? REALLY?!

Link to the original post about the silly scientists couldn’t answer on their own…schooled by a girl!!!
http://www.npr.org/blogs/13.7/2013/09/10/221019045/the-10-most-important-questions-in-science

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